To my mother,

I shall say little today, mother. For I know that now, you know what is in my heart. Before you went alone and away, I knew that you only knew what I told you. So, I never said much; instead I always heard you. I never told you how much I loved. I never told you how much I missed you even though, curling by your side. I never told you, I cared. I never told you when I was hurting or happy.

But now that you can see through me, you know how I feel, what I think; so again, I have nothing much to say.

I know you are fine. You finally got the time you deserved and earned all your life. You finally are, at peace. Away from the misery and pain of this infidel world. The world, I tried to protect you from. The world that gave me no identity, but because of you, it gave me an existence, perhaps a meaning.

I have nothing much to say. You know how I feel. I can’t touch you anymore, but when I look at my hands, I look not at mine, but yours, so I hold them tightly for when I am afraid. You left me, pieces of your body, your soul and your mind. The blood in my veins, the shape of my eyes, the flakes of my skin, all belong to you. So, as long as I am, so are you. And as long as my children are, so are you.

Mother, I have nothing much to say and to lose anymore. So, I am fearless. It is not because I do not care, but because you have set me free. So, I must thank you, for birthing a caterpillar that is transforming into a butterfly now. But, must, shall I tell you, this transformation is much painful.

Only a few survive.

Love,

Always.

--

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Anum Nawaz

Lecturer @IAC|Fulbright Alum @TheNewSchool| Founder @myvoice_unheard ,@academicsaccessible,@cc.canvasconnection,@la1dayuniversi1|Previously @rabtt,@yesnetworkpk